Confessions of a lonely boy PART II

Whenever people say with who you watched movie with, who you went out with, who you went this and that with. I often reply as "I went alone" and most of the time 90% of the time, i would get the same expression. "Alone?! Never go out with your friends ah?" " Not sian meh, alone..." Its always this 2 main expression. Sometimes when i reply with that phrase, thier eyebrows will raise and look at me with those 2 pitying eyes.

Thinking back, ive done alot of things myself, alone, without anybody. I dunno, i got used to it. I dunno if thats a bad thing or not. Im not being anti social or anything. Its just that, sometimes, i feel that im being a burden to all my friends. Friends is all i have next to someone that i can never hope to get ever... and sometimes, i get this feeling that my expectations of them are sometimes to high, that its merely a dream to achieve it. They have thier own life to live, and for me to intrude into thier lives as such just like that. I feel that its just not right. What can i do? I have no one to accompany me. They have other stuff to do. Im all by myself.

Sometimes when i talk to my friends, i feel like im in a totally different worlds. They can share jokes that they have known, they can share funny experiences with one another, and they can have a nice chat about what is going on in thier life with thier own peers. And when i look back at myself... is there anything interested going on recently with me and my friends. Its like, ive got nothing to say and that a simple hello and goodbye makes it soo weird thats its even more alieneting to say it than just meeting that person for a looong time. Ive had this experience before and prolly some of my friends have noticed it. Sometimes i would just sit aruond with my friends and i would rarely talk. While my group of friends would talk alot of things and all the things that they have shared together, yesterday, last week, or even last month. And how about me? Im just sitting there, listening to they conversation, 70% of the time, i dont their jokes, because the incident that they were takling about, i was no there, and their conversations, i dont understand at all, i have to end up asking " What are you guys talking about?" I feel like im soo empty.