Im tired... Week of emotional turmoil...

I dunno how to begin, but this week has been a tough week for me. My strength depleted, my determination long gone. What have i done to deserve this? The wheel of time is turning. It would be a matter of time before the class falls apart, leaving me at the seams. It is soo hard to keep it together. Everyday i have to deal with problems, problems that doesnt concern me. However, im a class rep, these problems are my problems, but why am I the last to know? Do they not trust me? These web of lies and facade is so thick in the air, that even i fear to venture into. But i must face them. How do i do that? Im tired, im tired of being a class rep.

Why cant i be normal? Why must i be special, and miss out on all the previliges that my friends have to enjoy as a normal classmate? Is this what a king suffers when he lead his people to the extent that he hates them, abandons them and ultimately force them to respect him? Do i really want that? I do not think so. But the barrier so obvious and i cant remove it. There are soo many problems right now. I would like to face them head on and help my fellow classmates in thier problems, but how can i do that if they refuse to approach me? Have i failed?

Class rep, a job i love and hate...

It pains me soo deeply when i see you show animosity and hatred for another classmate. Everybody in my class, they are all ive got. They are all my friends and its not my character to side with anybody. I hate siding with somebody. Its even more difficult to be non-judgemental in a heated situation. Im soo tired being the middleman, seeing 2 points of view to no end in sight for a solution. And yet why do i feel soo left out. Why do i feel that im the last to know? Is it because i have a rank? Is it because i am a class rep? Is that why you chose to avoid me and treat me nothing better what i deserve?

Right now, there are soo many problems in the class, and many more that i can foresee in the future. My gut feelings dont lie. Ive made up my mind a long time ago to never abandon my class in times of need. I dunno how long i can keep up with that frame of mine, considering i feel underappreciated at times. Leaders are meant to lead, not recognised. True to the core. But hey im a human being too. I have problems also. Who should i seek, if no one seeks to seek me?

Today id like to thank some of my old classmates who to my surprise, greeted me a birthday greeting. It was totally unexpected and that alone, coming from an old friend whom i was not close to them was enough to make my day (not like there's anymore left of the day, since they greeted me in the evening). I think thats one of the best birthday greetings i had so far.


Also id like to thank Syafiq, for also lightening up my mood today. Though you may not see it that way, Syafiq so far is the only person who acknowledges and appreciated what ive done to him, helping him, during his truly difficult time. Im glad that i helped him. I dont care what he'll do to me in the future. But at that moment, he said such a simple and powerful word. "Thank You". That is enough to make my day. And as the days goes on. Ill never forget that. That is enough to keep me going, enough to tell myself that whatever i do, im going to make a big impact in their lives, just like what ive done to Syafiq. Whoever you are, i am there for you.


When I wake in the morning,
I want to blow into pieces.
I want more than just ok, more than just ok.
When I'm up with the sunrise
I want more than just blue skies.
I want more than just ok, more than just ok.

I'm not giving up, giving up, not giving up now.
I'm not giving up, giving up, not backing down.

More than fine, more than bent on getting by.
More than fine, more than just ok.

When I'm wet with the sunshine.
I want more than just a good time.
I want more than just ok, more than just ok.

I'm not giving up, giving up, not giving up now.
I'm not giving up, giving up, not selling out.

More than fine, more than bent on getting by.
More than fine, more than just ok.
More than fine, more than bent on getting by.
More than fine, more than just ok.

More than oceans away from the dawn.
More than oceans away from the dawn.
More than oceans away from who we are
More than oceans, more than oceans, yeah.

More than fine, more than bent on getting by.
More than fine, more than just ok.
More than fine, more than bent on getting by.
More than fine, more than just ok.